this is US, but the skies are blue and the grass is green

The sky is still the same color, the sun still shines here, the grass still gives the same feel when I sit on it after playing, and yet it is US. Unbelievable right. Wrong. This is still earth and US is just a part of it, I have seen water puddles after rain, yes - it also rains in US. Can u believe it garbage smells the same, alcohol has the same effect, u still fight to get on the overloaded bus to School, trying to squeeze urself between the crowds. I am wondering is this US ?

Then wats different, people smile at u and greet u in the morning, keep u warm in the chilling winters by their warmth, will hold the door for u if u r approaching it, say sorry for the slightest mistake, and always extend a helping hand. This is US.

sine curve == life

Here I am yet again trying to relate to what I just wrote a few days back, did I really write it and is it actually happening, I am not so sure today...
I was trying to grasp a laser beam in an attempt to re-discover the joys of life, friends, trust, away from my own people, basking in the illusion of all that which just revealed itself to be virtual.
When you are isolated from the sanctuary called home, how easy it is to fall prey to illusions which give u the resemblance of the same warmth, trust and security you are longing for, was I the most recent prey of this enchantment...yes I was, but slowly the true colors are reflecting back in my life, and I am opening my eyes not in dreams but reality, opening and awakening myself to what is facing me at right angles.
Probably now I understand why addicts become what they are, I understand how easy it is to become an addict and how fruitless to come out of it, but consciously I am letting myself be trapped in this addiction. I know I should not , but I want to and probably I will allow myself that luxury of falling in the trap, coz I feel its a way to vent out my bitterness. But vent it out on whom, MYSELF, to consciously go and do what is wrong is called eccentricity, but I am ready to become an eccentric and be called mad, if it gives me the privilege to not become mad at others, to not let out my bitterness at others and be my happy go lucky self with people around me, coz if I cant make my life better, atleast I can lessen their unpleasant moments.

making new bonds

ok friends, sorry, i dnt know why I always end up writing stuff right from the depths of my so-emotional self.
I was just re-reading my last post, and yes I am re-visiting my life again of a student.
But I have friends here, maybe I have started to have the courage to make new friends here, and my instinct tells me they will be my life long friends, becuase there are some people who bond with you just becaue you are you and nothing else....I have re-discovering such bonds here in US as well....am I happy ? yes I am, I luv the gossips over coffee, the 'try everything in life once' attitude, the full energy to go and capture life.
The long walks in chilly nights, the sharing of some not so gud things, leg-pulling and taking the other for granted , isnt this wat starts the thread called friendship...I m happy this thread is running here in UMass for me and I just hope it stays in a deadlock....
cheers to my friends here...u ppl are making my life easier here :)

The Road re-visited...but different companions

As I head on in my new Grad life, time it seems is taking a turn, evrything once again rewinding, the same night-outs, last minute submissions, the paper writings, the studio gossips, the ups and lows, yet something that is always missing is those cherishing moments- company of friends, those uncontrollable laughter, that teasing n leg pulling, always being the 'out-standing' students of the class, tea-breaks. A chapter that is long over, but i cannot re-read it, which can only be refreshed in memory,I wish life was a book and I could go back to any page i ever wanted, and stare at it as long as I wanted...

My Last Day at my Fisrt Job .. the feelings that flow

My first job had started as a dream, training for one month, like an extension of college days for which i still yearn. Then a project assigned and office life swings in motion. Then comes a jerk and project changes. From TCS team now i become Rivermine team - so easily displaced, not even given time to hold on to the marks of my 1st project.

When I had joined Rivermine Project, I was very low in confidence and not sure whether I will be able to do what I was expected to but I did put all my efforts in doing it anyway. Yet it was the support of such a wonderful team that made me pull through everything I guess. But apart from work there are other things for which I will miss you all more.

I am going to miss all those events, partying with my ex-team, being already full on my own team parties ( I always had lunch before the party was decided L)

Team always deciding for a party when my Mom was around, and I had to miss it. Do you all know I love to party.

All the gossips and discussions with Rahul over infinite cups of tea at one go.

Manpreet’s lighting a cigarette and then asking “Hey Neetu, do you have any problems if I smoke. “ – what am I supposed to say Manpreet

Rajeev’s readiness to explain in detail till the last grain any doubts I ever had and ofcourse his patent pose and 1 to 1s – though I never had one L

Sanjeev coming on my computer for a bug, changing all its settings so that even I could not recognize it as my own PC, then going back and in this whole scene the bug got lost somewhere. Also that famous lift incidence “Please get out “ – and Sanjeev justifying himself for he after all did say ‘PLEASE’

Shashank always dying to have a peek in my Orkut and my mails, even my messenger

Manu's constant help in my apping process and trying to help me figure out whats wrong..

Rohit’s love for staying out-of-shape, but refusing to use the lift. Also his getting high on fish – u remember Rohit

Rajesh’s clapping to gather everyone, whether it is a meeting or a party event.

Indermeet’s one liners, and Manpreet’s n Shashank’s leg pulling.

Ruchi ( S ) being called the culprit when Shashank was robbed off his most valuable possession – believe me she had a greater hand in it ;)

Ruchi M uncontrollable laughter, I swear it is so infectious.

Johny getting delayed for the party, because he was logging a bug – common man its party time, say no to bugs.

Arti’s 1^st day at Induslogic – I am sure Arti remembers it very clearly ;)

Wasim's ever smiling face...

Anurag, Rohit and Vikrant you all are new to the team, but still it was nice knowing you all.And now all this ended, a new begining and a new ending both touching each other - myself trying to balance both.

This detail is for my freinds who always found me talking about my team but never quite understood what i was talking... :)

the road i have taken

seems to be a long and hard one, but now I m at peace, hope for best to shape up.
Every piece seems to be falling in place and the puzzle gettin less complicated.Though still some pieces remain unturned, unsolved, but then God is there for that.Was I an atheist, turning away from it now, because somehow God has made the universe to conspire things to happen the way I had wanted them to.
Soon I will be leaving my family, home , dear ones to go far away, believing that god will take care of me and of everything I m leaving behind...hope my belief will remain intact till the moment I come bac...
Sometimes taking the toughest decision bring in a lot of rewards, I wish this becomes true for me as well...

wondering whats wrong

its been quite some time that I have been wondering whats wrong with me, I am changing but I seem to have no control on those changes...I often feel low, betrayed, sometimes angry with myself, but unable to figure out the restlessness that is becoming such an integral part of me ...I have started loosing patience, often with people who are the only ones that matter to me, I have started evading and running from the truths that are facing me right in my face...am i an escapist...i was not, but am i turning into one.
But why ? I have all that I could ask for, and now when I had wanted something so badly is so almost mine, this is what I am feeling...m I a maniac in the making..ha ha ha...I wish I could laugh at all the stupid thoughts that keep coming in my mind, but more often than not I keep re-visiting these thoughts...

lost...totally...someone show me the way...

life has jus begun popping new questions now...things i was ready to die for, now dont seem so important any longer...wats happening to me... is it my quarter life crisis as people put it...or jus my own self..who's not sure any more about what to do...
y we jus keep on clinging , not letting go nething..when letting go should be so much easier...y do we make things harder for ourselves...is this normal human instinct...or is this me...trying to prove things to myself...n afraid of losing to prove that, going down in the deep guilt of not keeping up with my own expectations...
wats this i m writing, i myself dont knw...so many threads not connected to each other, yet they seem in a deadlock...some1 help me out please

unwinding

writing is such a gr8 way to unwind...u jus write n write, pouring out all ur thoughts, feelings, often confessions, without the slightest fear of not being understood or not being heard.
I feel like walking in the moonlight, along the sea beach, waves playing at my feet, soft breeze blowing past, caressing my hair, I deep in thoughts jus walking past life's troubles, shocks, fears.
Aah..i just wish this was true, but writing about this perfectly beautiful walk, made me imagine this and I am already feeling better.This is unwinding for me.