Moving Out

Sitting on the edge, i glance around , confused about everything. I have to get my life in place, or atleast some of it as I move out to a new city, a new job and probably a new life.
I have no clue from where to start, and as I fiddle around to find a direction I find myself more lost than ever. Have I been steering in the right direction, taking control of all the right things or is it just illusion whats keeping me on the tracks.
Recurring thoughts, apprehensive state of mind and all I need to do is probably just push right ahead and make a new start. And thats the irony in life, a start always is new, would the double positive make it any better. Its all in the heart and not in the mind, mind knows not when the heart will overpower it, but as I begin to gather pieces and stack them together, an unsettling feeling rushes through, a place which I had begun to be at home with is no more going to be my home. I have to move on, create another home. Mind says its the best to happen, moving to a better life, a comfortable life, but does comfort really lies in the materialistic gains of a better house and lifestyle.
As I sort out and close into boxes things which once made my home, throwing away bits of it, I feel a discomfort, a resentment of undoing my own home. I had been dying to run away to a happening life, to a glamourous world and now I want to run away from it. I hate bringing down posters which so proudly hung on wall, and robbing the walls of their sole property, and I hate to move out.
But its just me having doubts on my own decision.

THE GAME

Feeble fingers, clumsy hand,
holding on tight, aiming to hit it right there,
tough shot, a stark resemblance to the 'game'
Its all about wining the loss.

Distractions filter through,
fighting to keep them out, they are now an integral part,
an array of thoughts, wisdom gone weary
and its all about wining the loss.

I count not the wins,
but why I failed to perform,
tremendous pressure would be an excuse
but yes desire to be free and still have it all.

p.s. :I wish to write more and more shall be there, its just a little hard to put in pen when confusion dominates and intermingles the thought process.

Fighting for a cause, are we?

It saddens me to see the state of affairs.
Fighting for a cause, are we? I have been a little shaken up by whats happening. And I guess its time for a little 'inner' introspection.
How much ever we may boast of doing good for our country, saving the world by saving the environment, managing energy crisis, donating for education in India, but what is the prime cause that concerns each and everyone Indian. Is there a prime cause? Or is India facing just too many issues that the common man does not care any more.
What with skyrocketting oil prices, dwindling agriculture profit, shortage of housing, daily power cuts, does the common man even bother other than focussing on trying to make his ends meet. Once a friend said to me India is a country with too many religions but too little faith, too many laws but too little justice , too many forces but too little protection, and I have somehow come to believe in it. We claim ourselves to be the largest democracy, but whats in a title when we can not even protect and respect human life.
The recent bombings, and foiled plans of bombings leave us apprehensive of what will happen in the future, probably everyone is in wait for a major calamity. Isnt it really sad that we have reached a point where 45 deaths in 17 blasts in a major city do not move us any more than a sigh of relief. What are we waiting for, another 9/11. I hope not. But the feelings and expressions which ,me and most of my friends share here do echo a similar sentiment. How immune have we become to the loss of human life.
My mind is suddenly flooded with emotions, have I done my little bit for my country? Am I too late to do anything now? Is this the right time to start it? I always used to believe that we are doing our bit towards developing India, but since morning today these beliefs have become a little shaky.Probably its just an after effect of an overwhelming feeling of helplessness which will soon be proceeded with a rational school of thought. But can an idea emerge till then? An idea that may bring change. Even is .0001%
I have unexpectedly mixed a lot of issues here terrorism, poverty, maybe even some underlying subconscious feelings of patriotism, but isnt this exactly the state of Indian affairs. Where are we today and what can we do to improve the situation. As I sat and discussed this with a friend, I came to realize that everyone cannot be a revolutionary, but we can be part of the revolution, can we not?

10 Things I hate About You

Here is a reason why friends happen to us, why we fall in love and what keeps us going through all. I had seen this movie a long long time ago, and somehow this poem always stays with me. I wonder why we love the things about our best of friends in spite of hating 'the' things.


I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you’re always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around,

and the fact that you didn’t call.

But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,

not even close…

not even a little bit…

not even at all.

Scribblings

Incoherent scribblings,
flamboyant expressions,
unite as they will, and confused I stand.

I stalk simplicity,
undeterred by the passe existence,
entangled in the plainness of character,
restive, thinking, and confused I stand.

Fleeting thoughts,
saintly expression,
a moment caught within, embracing enlightenment
and as the next second passes, confused I stand.

Voice of that silence

(Well this is a dedication to my mom dearest who keeps me going through everything in life)

The warmth of that hand cools my burns
The depth of that stare touches me deep inside,
In the voice of that silence, I search my peace.

I ride along knowing two steps behind she stands,
The absence of her presence holds me tight,
The miles of distance bring us nearer,
and all along the journey she quietly sits,
knowing that in the voice of that silence I search my peace.

Gushing with energy to calm me down, she becomes the fresh water stream,
swirling around my life, clearing the mess
knowing all along that in the voice of that silence I will always search my peace.

The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect : a sensitive dependence on initial conditions and that is what I find myself exactly in right now. The friends circle and type of school atmosphere I have had , has set my initial conditions to determine my future patterns. However trivial or minimalist those conditions may seem, but if not met, the future patterns of behavior can be highly undetermined or randomized, something totally unexpected could be the outcome. So how do I undo this sensitive dependence now, after years of being under the same set of conditions, its difficult to changes zones and try be something else.
Solving a puzzle maybe more important for me than doing grocery, or delving into manufacturing process discussions maybe more exciting than buying the product itself, but I cant help it, its just me and what I like. So would it be asking for too much if I want someone with the same sense of dislikes. As it is said that small variations in the set of initial conditions can produce large variations in the long term behavior, so I just want that, same set of initial conditions nothing more nothing else, and people say i am crazy. Why is it so difficult to understand or even accept that previous set of conditions ultimately largely affect what future path you follow, the present may just seem as invariable as possible. So what about living in the present. Tell me what about it.

The Glimpse of a Dreaming Eye

I take yet another exit on the highway,
speeding along to find my dream,
jumping over hurdles, avoiding collisions
hiding from the thunderstorms, simply trying.
And in that raindrop I see the glimpse of my dreaming eye.

Tailing that convertible, overtaking the dirty truck,
racing agaisnt time, I reach out for the horizon,
feet struggling to touch the ground, simply trying
and in that rearview mirror I see the glimpse of my dreaming eye.

Fleeting thoughts, ideas that work,
Last night I dreamt again, now dragging myself awake
splashing my face with fresh morning water
I catch a glimpse of my dreaming eye.

The Balancing Act_ Design and Green

My thesis topic calls for atleast one unofficial write-up, so here I go.
The act of researching a topic for research led me to no place else but home, where my heart belongs. Whatever I may do or whereever I may travel, this is one place which always pulls me back, so the inevitable case of taking a thesis topic back home. And when all the developed countries are facing a critical energy and environment crisis, where does home stand. An easy question even by a layman. They are the ones who face power cuts, polluted roads, water, air practically a life amidst pollution and ofcourse everlasting shortage of resources.
So is this country not the one which should be leading the race of becoming evolved and developed in a green way ( is there a green way? ) . But that is all together a different topic which need write up.
What I am struggling with here is to evolve a design, using minimum materials and resources and that too from a limited set to select from. Would this constraint be an example of avante garde or a mistake with which my m.arch thesis be stamped for life. I m sitting here with a sketchbook ( made of re-cycled paper) n some markers ( non eco-friendly) to design the master piece. I hope it is a master piece in the making, but I am being bogged down by these climate responsive, eco-friendly basically green 'in-fashion' words. how to evolve a design through nature, using natural materials...I tried to study this even as an undergrad...BUT the only materials I can feel the texture off are steel, glass, those minimalist designs created by the late modernists architects, how to obtain those clean cuts, the slender lines of building profiles using earthly, minimum processed materials ?
Does designing green ever do justice to the contemporary styles or modernist styles of architecture that we know....and what we are talking here is only one minute aspect of designing green...

The best time to procrastinate is "NOW"

8 things and more

Arcane tagged my blog, so I decided to write it too , and I write because I think it would be nice to write about all this....

Eight things I am passionate about: ( not in order as they appear though)

1.) Design

2.) Talking on phone with frnds and family

3.) Green Living

4.) chatting

5.) tea

6) writing

7) sports

8) cooking



Eight things I want to do before I die:



1) Be a guitarist for a heavy metal band

2) Dance for a dance troupe

3) Try my hands at bartending

4) Make a green living community

5) go on a world trip with family and frnds

6) go camping in australia

7) be a millionaire

8) try achieving at least one of the above



Eight things I say often:

1) OMG, r u kidding

2) wassup

3) ya sure

4) please :)

5) awesome

6) hum nahin hain ( not tat often now, but i just love saying this )

7) i just love you

8) pshhk ( a strange sound that i make )



Eight books I've read recently:

1) John Grisham - the firm

2) John Grisham - The last Juror

3) Dwell

4) On Beauty and Being Just

5) Sudoku ( ok I have not been reading much apart from coursework lately , but this is something i do so regularly)

6) Catch - 22





Eight things that attract me to my best friends:

1) Unconditional Support and availability at all times

2) craziness

3) The weird connection that I establish with them

4) Sense of Humor ( read PJ)

5) their love on talking on the phone

6) Taste of Music

7) Travelling

8) Shopping



Ok so I have to pass this tag as well, Can I pass it back ?

Some days are dry, some days are leaky
Some days come clean, other days are sneaky
Some days take less, but most days take more
Some slip through your fingers and onto the floor
Some days you're quick, but most days you're speedy
Some days you use more force than is necessary
Some days just drop in on us Some days are better than others
Some days it all adds up And what you got is not enough
Some days are better than others

Some days are slippy, other days sloppy
Some days you can't stand the sight of a puppy
Your skin is white but you think you're a brother
Some days are better than others

Some days you wake up with her complaining
Some sunny days you wish it was raining
Some days are sulky, some days have a grin
And some days have bouncers and won't let you in
Some days you hear a voice Taking you to another place
Some days are better than others

Some days are honest, some days are not
Some days you're thankful for what you've got
Some days you wake up in the army
And some days it's the enemy
Some days are work, most days you're lazy
Some days you feel like a bit of a baby Lookin' for Jesus and His mother
Some days are better than others

Some days you feel ahead You're making sense of what she said
Some days are better than others
Some days you hear a voice Taking you to another place
Some days are better than others

Life is very precious and short so enjoy every moment of the sunshine rather than worrying about the darkness that will follow. and even when darks arrives foresee the sun that will follow, you never know it maybe brighter.

For the love of DESIGN

I love designing, designing is a passion, a love which grows stronger by the day and more beautiful everytime. I may not be the best designer on the block but who gives a damn till I love what I am doing.
I have dabbled in all sorts of design activities, from virtually creating buildings to rendering t-shirts and one thing that holds everything together is the freedom of creativity that a design profession offers. I can put forward what I love and believe in and may get lucky enough to make the crowd agree with me as well.
Isnt this what we look for in anything we do, to be able create and see what we desire....maybe this might change gradually as I get into a more commercialized zone, but that too has charms of its own....to be the one giving form to the ideas of others is thrilling initself. oh how i love the idea itself.

Khalbali hai Khalbali....

The only words I can think of when I ponder on my present state....there is so much to be discovered and settled....so much to take care of in life before i can rest....thesis, job, settling, higher studies(read Ivy League)...bascially taking hold of life....which at the moment is nothing that can be defined in words....ziddi hai yeh tufan, aur ziddi hum bhi yahan....nah i m not a poet...line from the famous song....but thats typically what I can relate to these days.

Happy New Year 2008 :)

So prats, Nalin and myslef were out on the chilly winter night....welcoming New Year, it was an eventful day, with train delays, losing the way inspite of having GPS ( IT hazards I guess), an hour long Q for nature's call ;), but all in all we managed to stay warm and welcome 2008 on the streets of Boston with a beautiful firework display....it was a fun experience....I am attaching pics here, though they are already there on orkut, but this blog deserves some color...after all it is HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008 :)....WHAT IS SO HAPPY OR NEW ABOUT IT ONLY TIME SHALL TELL....

The more I stress the better I get

The more I stress the better I get
everytime my steps fail to go on further
the heart pushes them forward, hoping for a better me, a better result.

In pursuit of perfection I often feel lost,
yet I find my way to satisfaction, an unending search for perfection.
The brain stops responding at times, but my heart is always with me, urging me to go on
to stress so that better I can get.

Time and again I have proved myself wrong,
when my body has collapsed, the heart has carried on,
a hope that has lingered all along,
and then more I stress so that better I can get.