Sitting on the edge, i glance around , confused about everything. I have to get my life in place, or atleast some of it as I move out to a new city, a new job and probably a new life.
I have no clue from where to start, and as I fiddle around to find a direction I find myself more lost than ever. Have I been steering in the right direction, taking control of all the right things or is it just illusion whats keeping me on the tracks.
Recurring thoughts, apprehensive state of mind and all I need to do is probably just push right ahead and make a new start. And thats the irony in life, a start always is new, would the double positive make it any better. Its all in the heart and not in the mind, mind knows not when the heart will overpower it, but as I begin to gather pieces and stack them together, an unsettling feeling rushes through, a place which I had begun to be at home with is no more going to be my home. I have to move on, create another home. Mind says its the best to happen, moving to a better life, a comfortable life, but does comfort really lies in the materialistic gains of a better house and lifestyle.
As I sort out and close into boxes things which once made my home, throwing away bits of it, I feel a discomfort, a resentment of undoing my own home. I had been dying to run away to a happening life, to a glamourous world and now I want to run away from it. I hate bringing down posters which so proudly hung on wall, and robbing the walls of their sole property, and I hate to move out.
But its just me having doubts on my own decision.
6 comments:
you are moving to a new phase of life ,from a student to a professional....and that's the thing making you feel so different....it's always there that when you move from a well settled life and a streamlined path ,you will be shaken with questions.... your decisions are yours and whatever you will make now will be the questions afterwards.... :) ... sab apna ghar change karte hue centi ho jaate hain ....maine to bina change kiye hi itna centi ho gaya tha [:)]
Yeah, as long as one can afford, one should live in a world of illusion. To be more precise~ aloof from corporeal affairs.
Life is so beautiful then!
This is when you become a third person in your own life; and start analyzing yourself indifferently.
Apna post agar talli hokar padegi to khud hi hasegi...No offense, but mujhe lagta hai ki kabhi kabhi hum sab ko 'self-nautanki' karne mein bohot maza aata hai......dunno why, there is an uncanny pleasure we all derive in being quixotically sad , I guess. Normal state mein jab Amherst bohot strongly home lage, to imagine kar ki yahaan par PhD karna kaisa rahega? If that seems like an exciting prospect, give me company..and trust me, I wud be damn happy to have u here!
u r rite....talli hokar padhungi to khud hi hasungi :D...self-nautanki mein to waise bhi I will give u competition soon....between either u did not read between the lines or u read too much...both ways...comment is as inappropriate as it is appropriate
I wish for it..I shall graph the frequency of your visits to Amherst in the near future. The trend wud say it all..appropriate/ inappropriate! :D
Amazing post Neetu!!! very heart felt. but that how we are wired I guess. We want to belong, yet we want to change...
Post a Comment