Happy New Year 2008 :)

So prats, Nalin and myslef were out on the chilly winter night....welcoming New Year, it was an eventful day, with train delays, losing the way inspite of having GPS ( IT hazards I guess), an hour long Q for nature's call ;), but all in all we managed to stay warm and welcome 2008 on the streets of Boston with a beautiful firework display....it was a fun experience....I am attaching pics here, though they are already there on orkut, but this blog deserves some color...after all it is HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008 :)....WHAT IS SO HAPPY OR NEW ABOUT IT ONLY TIME SHALL TELL....

The more I stress the better I get

The more I stress the better I get
everytime my steps fail to go on further
the heart pushes them forward, hoping for a better me, a better result.

In pursuit of perfection I often feel lost,
yet I find my way to satisfaction, an unending search for perfection.
The brain stops responding at times, but my heart is always with me, urging me to go on
to stress so that better I can get.

Time and again I have proved myself wrong,
when my body has collapsed, the heart has carried on,
a hope that has lingered all along,
and then more I stress so that better I can get.

I am trying to finish some of the last assignments I have for this semester, but the thought of freedom for 2 months, end sem blast tomorrow at my house and many other such random blissful thoughts are preventing me in doing so. So here I get down again to my basic instinct of writing whenever I feel restive.
I can go on and on forever on any subject under the sun, but when I sit and think that I should write something meaningful, a total loss of ideas strike me. Its like a dry air spell over an already parched earth...I dont have those writer genes in me...Oh dad why are you not a writer, it would have been real nice to see those genes in me...
Aha another point to elaborate on..Dad...I love u so much...but I may never be able to match upto what u are...the total saint in this world...but I am trying...real hard I promise...
I am good at multi-tasking I think...I can manage to do all the crap at once apart from acads, too good man...I am improving....
neways a lot of my usual bakwas I would love to write here, but the very few visitors I have to my blog would stop coming then I guess...so I should just shut-up and go study...

Time for a new Blog account

Cellphone addicts, dancing freaks, shopholics, party nuts and having the capacity to give fundas about any crap on this earth - these are the traits that make us all stay together....this is the bunch of crazy IITians I grew up with, not literally though, but grew up to be what I am today, what I aspire to be tomorrow.
Shruti ( my partner in almost all crimes - physically and virtually ;) )and I have been discussing for long to start a blog for this packet of ours full of madness, where we could spill out all beans, continue the non-stop bitching (about anyone we can think of) , discuss the latest hot dude around, or plans of eloping, styles of fagging, or the latest Daru we tried, or buying the tiniest of skirt we can get our hands on....this blog is going to be all about the madness that our group shares, about the secret recipes of fun, about dreams acheived or shattered, about pranks we want to play, and about basically any thing we want to discuss....there will be no stopping us or time conflicts to talk the cell or whatever other obstacle there can be ...
Before setting up that new blog I wanted to pen this down here, because it seems there will be history in the making for this new blog...in all senses you can think off ;) ....

On a chilly winter morning

Touched by the misty air

I warm up by the sun rays
wondering at the beauty of it all.

the mind , body and the soul

How often do we ask the question - what is greater mind , body or the soul?
often we get to read in philosophies, life stories that mind and soul are greater.
Now I ask what is more important - mind, body or soul?
I am so lost at this question, I wish soul was the answer, because I believe soul continues to live on, even when the body goes waste, the mind stops to function.
But as humans do we really believe that soul is the most important ? I seriously doubt that. How often do we find ourselves crying when the soul of our beloved departs from the body, or the mind ceases to function. We yearn for the body to respond to us, to be a part of the space that surrounds us. To objectify and familiarize the space around us we need bodies not just mere souls.
Why is it difficult to come to terms with the fact that body has played its role when the soul leaves it? Do you not have questions like this?
Not that I constantly think about this, but sudden events in life force you to think about these question which probably have no right answers. For me body becomes the most important, because if soul is not inside that body how will I react to it, how will I know it exists...
Questions , questions and more questions, does the mind not get tired asking all these questions...what is it with mind that it keeps working the way it does, or suddenyl stops working, what is the essence of our being?

Summer is here

There is lull on the campus, a certain quietness that touches the heart.
Every step I take has a bounce, a wish to get lighter as it starts.
As the cool breeze caresses the touch of the sun, the mind becomes fleeter than the wind.
I wander far away amongst the clouds, under the water , through the sands, thankful for the beauty of all.
The summer is here and I am in love again.

if you dont find courage, courage will find you

if you dont find courage, courage will find you. What a beautiful way to put up your brave front. I just read this line on a friend's status message and fell in love with it instantly.
Some events make it impossible for you to behave normally, you just want to break down and cry, still you put up a brave face, consoling others and being their strength, this is when courage finds you. :)

The world is so obvious

I am unknown

I revel in my own world,
Surrounded by the heights of my dreams,
Washed by the light that filters through
The ever-expanding horizon of my hopes,
Yet to me I am unknown.

I dance by the music of challenge,
Laid deep in the journey of life.
I turn-around and walk back,
To gather what I left.
Yet to me I am unknown.

I whisper courage in my ears,
Coming straight from my heart.
I take a deep breathe and tell myself,
That I have it in me to go on.
Yet to me I am unknown.

Basic Instinct

Breathe n u intake the alcohol smell in, move n u step on someone's foot, talk n ur friend cant listen to what u r saying, this is just another friday nite, just another bus after 10 n just another country - US. Who says you miss the Indian bus crowd, the rush n fight for getting on the bus, the manic crowd in the bus, if u ever do just come visit me in Amherst - a small university town near Boston which overflows with life on a friday nite. It is as if it takes birth every friday nite n dies a slow death on sunday morning. The cycle goes on week after week. This is it. The two days of life in Amherst.

New York drives me crazy

Call it a wide-eyed dream of girl from a small city( a city so small, yet the whole world knows about it, no prizes for guessing.) or just call it mere madness, but I am in love with New York, it just drives me carzy. The rush, the crowd, the urban sprawl, the honking cars, the dingy subways, the flashy Times Square, the bustling Broadway, romantic Brooklyn bridge, I am in love with all of this - this place is so full of LIFE.

I am wondering what was I doing in US, and what the hell am I doing now, just being another student in just another university. I would rather kill to be another face on the New York street , than die being a student in this so quiet and peace loving place. Sometime Amherst is so quiet, you could say its haunted.

Going to New York brought back life into me, and its pulling me back like a magnet, I want to be there, live life of a New Yorker. I am tired of being quite, into studies, struggling to achieve what I aspire for, just want a break, a break away from all this and into the heaven that people call hell. I wish someone would bring that break into my life, oh how I wish :)

losing it tomorrow what I have today

I live constantly in the fear of not having tomorrow what I have today. This makes me hold on tightily to these things, not realizing soon I will be out of strength to hold on any longer. Will letting go be easy then? Probably not but then I would have no option but to let go. Losing it will cause all the more pain knowing how loyally I had held on to it. So why dont I just let go, start living in the present with never worrying about the future and trying to make it secure...Whats the fun of having a secure future when all the present goes waste in this insecurity...Is it worth it?
Dont know, dont know a lot of other things as well. But am trying hard to find out, and one day I shall. But I pray that its not too late then...

this is US, but the skies are blue and the grass is green

The sky is still the same color, the sun still shines here, the grass still gives the same feel when I sit on it after playing, and yet it is US. Unbelievable right. Wrong. This is still earth and US is just a part of it, I have seen water puddles after rain, yes - it also rains in US. Can u believe it garbage smells the same, alcohol has the same effect, u still fight to get on the overloaded bus to School, trying to squeeze urself between the crowds. I am wondering is this US ?

Then wats different, people smile at u and greet u in the morning, keep u warm in the chilling winters by their warmth, will hold the door for u if u r approaching it, say sorry for the slightest mistake, and always extend a helping hand. This is US.

sine curve == life

Here I am yet again trying to relate to what I just wrote a few days back, did I really write it and is it actually happening, I am not so sure today...
I was trying to grasp a laser beam in an attempt to re-discover the joys of life, friends, trust, away from my own people, basking in the illusion of all that which just revealed itself to be virtual.
When you are isolated from the sanctuary called home, how easy it is to fall prey to illusions which give u the resemblance of the same warmth, trust and security you are longing for, was I the most recent prey of this enchantment...yes I was, but slowly the true colors are reflecting back in my life, and I am opening my eyes not in dreams but reality, opening and awakening myself to what is facing me at right angles.
Probably now I understand why addicts become what they are, I understand how easy it is to become an addict and how fruitless to come out of it, but consciously I am letting myself be trapped in this addiction. I know I should not , but I want to and probably I will allow myself that luxury of falling in the trap, coz I feel its a way to vent out my bitterness. But vent it out on whom, MYSELF, to consciously go and do what is wrong is called eccentricity, but I am ready to become an eccentric and be called mad, if it gives me the privilege to not become mad at others, to not let out my bitterness at others and be my happy go lucky self with people around me, coz if I cant make my life better, atleast I can lessen their unpleasant moments.

making new bonds

ok friends, sorry, i dnt know why I always end up writing stuff right from the depths of my so-emotional self.
I was just re-reading my last post, and yes I am re-visiting my life again of a student.
But I have friends here, maybe I have started to have the courage to make new friends here, and my instinct tells me they will be my life long friends, becuase there are some people who bond with you just becaue you are you and nothing else....I have re-discovering such bonds here in US as well....am I happy ? yes I am, I luv the gossips over coffee, the 'try everything in life once' attitude, the full energy to go and capture life.
The long walks in chilly nights, the sharing of some not so gud things, leg-pulling and taking the other for granted , isnt this wat starts the thread called friendship...I m happy this thread is running here in UMass for me and I just hope it stays in a deadlock....
cheers to my friends here...u ppl are making my life easier here :)

The Road re-visited...but different companions

As I head on in my new Grad life, time it seems is taking a turn, evrything once again rewinding, the same night-outs, last minute submissions, the paper writings, the studio gossips, the ups and lows, yet something that is always missing is those cherishing moments- company of friends, those uncontrollable laughter, that teasing n leg pulling, always being the 'out-standing' students of the class, tea-breaks. A chapter that is long over, but i cannot re-read it, which can only be refreshed in memory,I wish life was a book and I could go back to any page i ever wanted, and stare at it as long as I wanted...

My Last Day at my Fisrt Job .. the feelings that flow

My first job had started as a dream, training for one month, like an extension of college days for which i still yearn. Then a project assigned and office life swings in motion. Then comes a jerk and project changes. From TCS team now i become Rivermine team - so easily displaced, not even given time to hold on to the marks of my 1st project.

When I had joined Rivermine Project, I was very low in confidence and not sure whether I will be able to do what I was expected to but I did put all my efforts in doing it anyway. Yet it was the support of such a wonderful team that made me pull through everything I guess. But apart from work there are other things for which I will miss you all more.

I am going to miss all those events, partying with my ex-team, being already full on my own team parties ( I always had lunch before the party was decided L)

Team always deciding for a party when my Mom was around, and I had to miss it. Do you all know I love to party.

All the gossips and discussions with Rahul over infinite cups of tea at one go.

Manpreet’s lighting a cigarette and then asking “Hey Neetu, do you have any problems if I smoke. “ – what am I supposed to say Manpreet

Rajeev’s readiness to explain in detail till the last grain any doubts I ever had and ofcourse his patent pose and 1 to 1s – though I never had one L

Sanjeev coming on my computer for a bug, changing all its settings so that even I could not recognize it as my own PC, then going back and in this whole scene the bug got lost somewhere. Also that famous lift incidence “Please get out “ – and Sanjeev justifying himself for he after all did say ‘PLEASE’

Shashank always dying to have a peek in my Orkut and my mails, even my messenger

Manu's constant help in my apping process and trying to help me figure out whats wrong..

Rohit’s love for staying out-of-shape, but refusing to use the lift. Also his getting high on fish – u remember Rohit

Rajesh’s clapping to gather everyone, whether it is a meeting or a party event.

Indermeet’s one liners, and Manpreet’s n Shashank’s leg pulling.

Ruchi ( S ) being called the culprit when Shashank was robbed off his most valuable possession – believe me she had a greater hand in it ;)

Ruchi M uncontrollable laughter, I swear it is so infectious.

Johny getting delayed for the party, because he was logging a bug – common man its party time, say no to bugs.

Arti’s 1^st day at Induslogic – I am sure Arti remembers it very clearly ;)

Wasim's ever smiling face...

Anurag, Rohit and Vikrant you all are new to the team, but still it was nice knowing you all.And now all this ended, a new begining and a new ending both touching each other - myself trying to balance both.

This detail is for my freinds who always found me talking about my team but never quite understood what i was talking... :)

the road i have taken

seems to be a long and hard one, but now I m at peace, hope for best to shape up.
Every piece seems to be falling in place and the puzzle gettin less complicated.Though still some pieces remain unturned, unsolved, but then God is there for that.Was I an atheist, turning away from it now, because somehow God has made the universe to conspire things to happen the way I had wanted them to.
Soon I will be leaving my family, home , dear ones to go far away, believing that god will take care of me and of everything I m leaving behind...hope my belief will remain intact till the moment I come bac...
Sometimes taking the toughest decision bring in a lot of rewards, I wish this becomes true for me as well...

wondering whats wrong

its been quite some time that I have been wondering whats wrong with me, I am changing but I seem to have no control on those changes...I often feel low, betrayed, sometimes angry with myself, but unable to figure out the restlessness that is becoming such an integral part of me ...I have started loosing patience, often with people who are the only ones that matter to me, I have started evading and running from the truths that are facing me right in my face...am i an escapist...i was not, but am i turning into one.
But why ? I have all that I could ask for, and now when I had wanted something so badly is so almost mine, this is what I am feeling...m I a maniac in the making..ha ha ha...I wish I could laugh at all the stupid thoughts that keep coming in my mind, but more often than not I keep re-visiting these thoughts...